I can't believe I just admitted my age on the internet!
Yep, cat's out of the bag. I'm turning thirty tomorrow and I'M ABSOLUTELY SCARED TO DEATH. For real. I don't want to turn thirty. I'm scared. There's no "don't worry, you look about 24" comments that can save how I'm feeling right now!
For anyone under the age of 29, I'm 100% sure I sound melodramatic, but seriously, I'm absolutely petrified of waking up tomorrow as thirty years old. I can't pinpoint an exact reason this is freaking me out so much, but I'm sure it's an accumulation of a few things.
So, let's chat. This one is a bit of a personal one, so don't forget the cup of tea.
It's definitely the elephant in the room, but I think the main reason I'm scared to turn thirty is because of the expectations society places on a person, which, in turn, influences the expectations you put on yourself. When I was in high school, I was pretty much convinced that my life plan was going to be married with kids in a nice house all by the time I turned about 28. That was normal, right? While it might have been normal back then, I'm pretty convinced it's not the case now, so while am I still so affected by this stigma and expectation? I'm not married, I'm not a homeowner yet and I am certainly a number of years off having children (haha!), but I've set myself this plan and pathway, and I'm really happy with how it's worked out, so why am I scared to turn thirty without any of these milestones?! If someone can figure out my brain, that would be fab.
Look, there's definitely some big leap you do when you turn thirty from being somewhat of a child, to being a fully fledged adult. For those that know me well, you know that I'm a big kid. Sure, I have adult responsibilities (hey, like running my own business and getting out of bed in the morning?!), but I still think I'm a big kid. Once I turn thirty, everyone automatically thinks I'm an adult, and I just don't want to be one yet!
HAVE I EVEN GOT MY SHIT TOGETHER?
Surely most people have their shit together by thirty, right? Wrong. My shit is definitely not together. While I have an awesome job that I love, a side business of my own that I also love, an amazing fiance, a fabulous group of friends, the most supportive family and have had some incredible experiences in the last 30 years, I'm not entirely sure I've got it all figured out, nor my shit together. I know that this fact is okay and most likely SO normal, but I'm not sure whether I've settled on that being the case. Just yet.
HAVE I DONE ENOUGH?
Did I take every opportunity? Have I gone on enough adventures and seen enough of the world? Have I made the most of the last 30 years? Is my career the right one? Do I need to socialise more? All of the above? I've read a few blog posts lately of people turning thirty and it's just been a long list of achievements and accomplishments which, is totally awesome, but I'm certainly not here to gloat. Yep, I've done some pretty cool stuff in my life but I'm really not convinced I've done enough in the last 30 years.
I could probably go on for a lot longer about what is scaring me about turning 30, but instead, I'm probably going to go cry into a cocktail.
I'm not ready for tomorrow!